Sunday, October 11, 2015

Dear Neighbors: Sorrynotsorry about the education I gave your children today...

I had the opportunity to meet some of my neighbors today.  Well -- not neighbors, really, as they are a pretty long walk away, but we'll call them neighbors nonetheless.   While on a walk with Marshall this afternoon, they ran up to greet me. 

"Can I pet your dog?" asked the boy in the black Ravens shirt.

"Sure," I said.

"Is him a boy or a girl?" he asked.

"He's a boy," I said.

"Why does hims have a purple fing on hims neck?" he asked.  "I finked he was a girl because hims fing is purple."  He chuckled as if I was so very silly -- giving my boy dog a purple collar.

"You thought he was a girl because his collar is purple?" I asked.  "You know, I think anybody can wear any color they like.  Marshall just happens to like purple."

"Oh," he said.

A girl in a pink Ravens jersey came and joined us.

"He has a dog," she said, pointing to the boy.  "A puppy.  I'm not his sister.  He lives there.  I live here."

"Oh, so you're neighbors then!" I said.  "That's nice.  You guys must have fun playing together."

"Mmmmhmmm," she said, spinning in the grass.  "Except EVERY TIME he comes over, he wants to play Spongebob Yahtzee Junior, but I don't always want to play that game!  It's EVERY TIME!!!"

The boy giggled. 

"You must really like Spongebob Yahtzee," I said.

"Spongebob Yahtzee Junior," he corrected me.  "I OH-WAYS want to pway it, but hers NEVER wants to pway it, and then I can't pway it because hers won't pway it wif me!"

"I play it sometimes," she said.  "Just not ALL the time, because we have to find time to play other games, too."

"But sometimes we should play Spongebob Yahtzee Junior," he said, as he kissed Marshall's butt.  "I love dogs," he continued.  "I will hug and kiss them allathetime.  Allathetime I will just kiss them and kiss them because I love them. And we were digging in the gwass and watering hers twee, even though its a big twee and we only has a wittle water.  Also, she's my girlfwend."   He looked at the girl and laughed.

"I am NOT your girlfriend!" she exclaimed.  "He always says that and...I am not your girlfriend.  I'm not."  She went back over to the tree she had been digging under before I arrived.

"How do you know she's your girlfriend?" I asked him.

"Because I told her hers was my girlfwend," he said, matter-of-factly.

"Ohhhh," I said.

"BUT I'M NOT," she called from under the tree.

"Well, you know, the thing is," I said, "is that there is a really important rule about being girlfriends and boyfriends."  The girl put down the stick she was digging with and came back over.  "The rule is that in order for people to be boyfriends and girlfriends, both people need to agree."

The girl looked at me and paused, while the boy continued kissing Marshall's side, ears, and tail.

"You know how you want to play Spongebob Yahtzee Junior, but you can't play if both of you don't agree to play together?"

"Yeah," he said.  "When hers doesn't want to pway, I can't pway it because you need two people to pway it."

"Right," I nodded.  "It's the same way with boyfriends and girlfriends.  Both people need to say 'YES' in order to be boyfriends and girlfriends."

"Oh," he said.  "Did you know that Spongebob isn't my favowite show?  I wike Paw Patrol better."

"Really?" I said.  "I like Chase.  Who is your favorite?"

And he told me that he likes Everest, and she told me that she doesn't like Paw Patrol, and they talked about the hole they were digging under the tree, and then I left.

Dear neighbors:

Sorrynotsorry about the education I gave your children today. 

I don't always provide sexuality and relationship education to random 5 and 6 year olds.  Just when the opportunity presents itself. 

It takes a village,


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