Day 3: Steps Before Self-Love

(1) I'm remembering that writing every day is really hard, and that sometimes I have a hard time letting go of my need for "perfection."  (And everyone says "sometimes?").

(2) Tonight did not go as planned.  This was written in about 20 minutes.  It's all I've got.  I'm going to have to be okay with that.  That's the point of this writing every day exercise.  

(3) Day 1 and 2 were much better poems.  If you didn't read them, you should probably read them instead.  Just sayin'.

Steps Before Self-Love

While scrolling Facebook: 43 Self-Care Practices for a Healthy Mind, Body, and Soul.

In the checkout aisle at Safeway: 15 Powerful Self-Care Tools You Can't Live Without.

In my email inbox: 12 Important Ways to Love Yourself

On the side of my news article about the latest dog food recall: 18 of the Most Important Self-Care Practices You Aren't Doing

Why the fuck are we shaming ourselves over self-care?

I'm wondering why I'm

supposed to be seducing myself, wondering how

I'm supposed to be getting into bed with me when

I have only just learned my name, and -

I'm not even to the point of

holding hands with me, much less

seeing me, loving me, and

what I want to know is what color my irises are on the inside, and

whether my heartbeat ever keeps time with the world,

I want to feel the way breathing

can be gentle next to me in ways I've

never let it be:

there are steps before self-love that no one wants to talk about.

Conversations that must be had before you can

enter into self-care but

before I lie

next to my self, I will touch her softly asking-

where does it hurt?

and we'll do nothing but

hold the aching

gently

in our hands.