Have you ever had those times where you just confuse yourself?
I should be more specific. I confuse myself frequently.
Basically, I feel like I am made up of a bundle of contradictions and opposites at the moment. I just got home from choir practice, and I feel relaxed and in-my-body and calm and joyful...but I am also utterly exhausted and had a long, stressful day talking about issues that made my heart hurt, because people can be cruel, and some people among us are just so very vulnerable to that cruelty. I'm sleepy and happy and also anxious as heck about this exam tomorrow morning. I want to study, even though I don't know what else TO study, and I want to go to bed because I haven't really slept all week, and I want to go through my flashcards one more time, or answer some practice questions, or read that one section again...and I also just kind of want to lay and stare at the ceiling until this feeling of overwhelm passes. Or cry. I could do that, too. Not a sad cry. Or an angry cry. Just...like in "Moonstruck." Have you ever seen "Moonstruck"? You know, the old movie with Cher and Nicholas Cage?
It's one of my favorite movies. It's one of about three movies that I can and do watch over and over and over again, even though I know it almost word for word.
There's a scene near the end when the whole family is together, and Loretta (Cher) is telling the family that she fell in love with Ronny (Cage) while her fiance (Ronny's brother, Johnny), was in Italy. Loretta's grandfather starts to cry, which prompts Loretta's father to ask him, "whatsamatta Pops?" The grandfather (referred to as "Old Man" through most of the movie) holds his head in his hand and wipes his eyes and says, "I'm confused..."
That's me. I'm the old guy. I'm confused.
In other words, I'm a hot mess, which is a saying I've never understood, but continue to use anyway.
Hopefully, by tomorrow morning, I will be a fully licensed psychologist in the state of Maryland. After that, the quality of my posts should improve dramatically. I've been quite whiny this week.
In the meantime.....this picture makes me laugh.
Stay strong, ya'll. Don't succumb to confusion like me and Old Man. It really doesn't help matters.