Friday, September 27, 2013 just get bullet points

(1) I started writing out a thoughtful post tonight, but then it turned all personal and emotional and I deleted it.  So you get bullet points instead.

(2) It's been 5 whole days since I wrote my post about not being perfect...and I'm still not perfect.  Damn.  It's going to take a long (long...long...) time to unlearn this "perfect" business.  My head is fighting me like you wouldn't believe.  She can be a real bitch sometimes.   

(3) I'm dog-sitting this weekend, and my friend's dog is 8 lbs.  I'm praying to god that I don't squish her.

(4) I went through a couple emails tonight to try to find something, and I instead found a bunch of emails from an old friend that made me bawl cry get a little teary.  I wrote about my friend here.  He is somebody I have thought about quite a bit lately.  We are singing "The Road Not Taken" for choir at church, and it makes me think of him because he told me he knew Robert Frost, and I was totally jealous.  At any rate, we had a long string of emails that started with him quoting the UU hymn:

"How could anyone ever tell you
you were anything less than beautiful?
How could anyone ever tell you
you were less than whole?
How could anyone fail to notice
that your loving is a miracle?
How deeply you're connected to my soul." 

I needed this.  I like to think that he knew that.  Thank you, my friend.

(5) I also recommend that you listen to this song, just because it's beautiful:

(6) This week, one of my very favorite little guys made me sad.  When talking about his challenges with focusing during homework, he burst into tears and sobbed, "my brain is always fighting me.  I need to have surgery to cut out the bad part.  Just please.  I want to.  I want to have surgery to just cut out the bad pieces that don't work right."

 I took a deep breath to check myself, and then told him earnestly how everyone loves him for who he is, including his diagnoses and his difficulty focusing, and that nobody wants to change him.  We just want it to take less than 2.5 hours to get his homework done, and sometimes that means cutting back on video game time...but it certainly doesn't mean cutting out pieces of his brain or trying to change who he is or how he thinks.

 His tears and his comments pulled on my heart.  He is beautiful, and amazing, and smart, and creative, and fantastic, and I wouldn't change anything about him or his brain for anything.  I know his parents feel the same way.

 Me, though?  Is there a surgery to cut out the "not perfect" part of the brain?  How about the anxious part?  Is there a way of removing the anxious part that doesn't work quite right?  

(7) Tomorrow is Friday.  This is glorious news.  

(8) My brain is never going to slow down enough to sleep.  It's already 1AM.  Anybody got a ball peen hammer?

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