I'm going to do
something that's probably kinda stupid.
Twice now, I've done
the "write a blog post every day for 30 days and don't die in the
process" challenge. I haven't died,
and I learned something, and it helped me grow as a writer...and it was stressful. (Because yes, even self-imposed stress is
stressful when you set a goal and hold yourself rigidly to it).
I've wanted to do the
"write a poem every day for 30 days challenge" for a while now. It's harder than the "write something
every day" challenge, because...duh...poetry...and that has scared me
away. But I'm going to do it, for
several reasons.
1). I think of poems
all the time, and I'm too lazy to write them down. If my brain had a secretary, I could end the
day with all sorts of writing done. If I
stop being so lazy, I could at least write something every day. And then I won't be mad at myself for letting
beautiful words escape and die.
2). I still freak out
about my poetry, and it always feels like this Big Thing that I'm writing, and
I stress about it before, during and after I write it. Writing blog posts for 30 days helped me get
over the freak out of posting things that might not be perfect and letting
others read it. I'm hopeful this could
do the same thing.
3). I need to get okay
with writing shitty poetry sometimes. I
let a lot of really good lines of poetry die because I can't find the right
words to put around them. I think if I
let go of some of that pressure and just wrote the shitty poem, my poetry could
become better.
4). Because my brain is
really busy with lots of things I don't want it to be busy with, and I'd rather
give it something to focus on. To borrow
a phrase from my grandmother, I am "busier than a one-armed paper hanger." But...I'm going to do this. Because it'll build character or something.
5). Poetry helps me to
remember the extraordinary in the simple things. It helps me to know what I'm feeling. It helps me to connect with myself and
others. It connects me to something
bigger...I don't know if it's god, or spirit, or love, or humanity, or what it
is, but poetry helps me to feel the presence of something that is bigger than
me, bigger than this, that I can't quite explain. I need more of that.
So here's what I'm
going to do: I am going to try really hard not to expect brilliance and
perfection. I am going to try really
hard not to stress about it. I am going to try not to spend more than 30 minutes on the poem. I am going
to try to be okay with shitty poems. I
might not post them every day, but I will write
one, every day, for 30 days.
So with all of that
said, here is day 1:
On being watched at the park
The man at the park
sits across from me, watching me read.
His face is sad, and
vacant, and his eyes rest blankly on my bench.
I glance at him, before noticing the way
the words on the page sound in the wind.
It is cold in
the shade.
Too cold for June,
and my goose bumps make speed bumps
that slow the
ant crawling over my arm.
I watch it slow.
The tree beside me is
scarred
with names she might
rather forget,
but I notice the way she bent
her branches
to the only patch of
sky.
He continues to watch
me and I wonder
if he can see the music,
the rhythm, the magic
the way my Heart is slowing
for the first time in days
the way she knows we
have spent too long in the shade
the way she carries the scars
and when I push her tenderness away
the way she reaches my
cells
for the sun.
I catch his eye to say,
'carry on, sir, in your
watching.
We both know there is mystery,
and hope,
and sadness here.'
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