On Talking to Myself

I know I said I would post about (something...I can't remember) last night...but this poem wanted to be finished instead.  So...here's a poem.  Instead of whatever I said I was going to write about.  It's better this way.  I promise.  

On Talking to Myself

When the time is right, I'll tell you.

I'll tell you:

You.  You were the skinny kid in the blue tutu,

the one showing off all the moves.

Front and center, pointed toes,

hair pulled back, tutu bouncing,

self-assured, beautiful, running in little circles,

I saw you, you were fucking amazing with your

tongue stuck out the right side of your mouth, head tilted, remembering,

you haven't changed, I'll say.

You were fucking amazing.   You haven't changed.

When the time is right, I'll tell you:

Remember.

Remember when you, just 10 years old,

read your words, out loud, for hundreds of people,

the loud microphone made it hard to hear the words you read,

you read all 3 pages without fumbling

in your flowered dress and

scuffed white dress shoes, big lace bow in your hair,

strangers congratulated you 

and you ended with pride, I'll say.

You believed them.  You ended with pride. 

I'll say: I was there.

During the field trip for entomology club,

you found those red ants first.  Big ones.

You were just about to catch them when

the Smartest Boy swooped in,

stole your ants from under your nose

got all the accolades for his good find.

When you cried in the car about the injustice,
your mother told you

not to be smarter than the boys

or steal their spotlight

not to outdo them--it could

hurt their ego,

but you were smarter than him anyway

and knew it, I'll remind you.

You were smarter, and knew it.  I was there. 

Remember, I'll say.  You

are not the names you label yourself.

Your body

has withstood this life, has endured

you, and survived.

It is fucking amazing, trust me, you 

aren't easy on your soul,

but you haven't changed.  

Believe me, proud one, 

you are smart

and know it.  I am here, waiting

enduring

believing

you
and when the time is right, I'll tell you.

I'll tell you 

when the time is right,

when I can find the words,

when I know you can hear me

when I know you'll believe me

when you will stop to listen

when you'll let me in...

When the time is right to love you

I know just what I'll say.