Sunday, November 24, 2013


Now, I'm not really a Katie Perry fan.  She's fine and all, but I don't generally stop and listen when her songs come on the radio.  This video, however, is amazing, and now I'm singing "Roar" in my head, and will picture this video every time I hear that song.

I have to admit: I watch her, and I am so fucking envious.  It's not her talent I'm after, or her flexibility (though I wouldn't argue with either one of those).  I took ballet lessons from the time I was 5 or 6 until I was in college.  From middle school through when I graduated high school, I danced 6 days a week.  I went through periods of also taking Irish dance, and in college I also took classes and performed historical dances from the 17th century to present day.  I took ballroom for a year or so, and I still love dancing.  It's been years since I have danced anywhere, and I still have "dance dreams" sometimes.  But still, while she's clearly much more talented than I, I'm not after her talent.

I'm after her "fuck it" attitude, and her ability and willingness to just put it all out there.  She's making a point, obviously, and she writes in her blog about her struggle with body image in the entertainment industry.  We are all (men and women) affected by internal and external pressures and stressors....some of us more than others.

I also grew up with a family that became increasingly weight conscious, body-sensitive, and disordered in the ways we thought about, talked about, and didn't talk about our bodies, weight, clothing, food, etc.  Don't forget about those ballet classes starting at that young age, and don't ask me to pull out my journals from age 10 onward.  It's awful to see the stress that little me felt, and the embarrassment and shame I came to feel about my body.  We all do to some extent, don't we?

I know she's putting on a show, but good lord, what I wouldn't give to just even be able to pretend to have that attitude of "THIS IS ME" and "fuck the bullshit 'beauty' standards" and the overwhelming message of "YES!  I DO love my body!!!"

I'm so far from that, I don't even know which direction to point my body in to start moving there.  I can say it beautifully with words...but to actually embody that concept?  I've got a long (long) way to go.

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